advocates & articles
She’s Wearing What?
As your daughter saunters into the kitchen for breakfast one Monday morning, your head nearly swivels 180 degrees as you catch sight of the outfit she has apparently assembled without your input. Does she actually expect to wear that skimpy midriff-bearing get-up to school? Is that your little girl trying to look sexy? Before you panic, remember that choosing clothing is a natural way for preteens and young teens to figure out their tastes, styles and identities. What they wear signals to their classmates — as well as to their parents — the peer group to which they wish to belong. The good news is, these preferences are likely to change — frequently, swiftly and without warning. So the look your daughter is sporting on any given morning will hardly be around for long. The bad news is, you still have to deal with it. Will you say nothing? Should you make her change her clothes? Is it worth risking an argument before school?
Before making your decision, consider your daughter’s history with clothing. From the time they are toddlers, many girls enjoy playing with and dressing up their dolls. Not only do they collect various sorts of outfits for their dolls, but also many treasure the chance to wear look-alike clothing. That’s all fine and good. But in just a few years, it seems, some of girls’ favorite dolls — as well as their wardrobes — suddenly morph into vampish, even brazen, sophisticates. The edgier, sexier and even outrageous clothes associated with these dolls are usually more appealing, just like the outfits worn by teen actresses and pop stars in the media. Perpetuating this fascination, manufacturers are increasingly making children’s clothing in even the tiniest sizes into imitations of more mature, even adult, styles. Given this exposure to contemporary styles in the media as well as neighborhood clothing stores, it is no wonder that young girls think it’s okay to wear them. So rather than chastising your daughter for her choices, use this opportunity to empathize with her clothing dilemmas and educate her about her appearance.
As a first step, parents can help young girls learn to draw important distinctions — between what is and is not tasteful and appropriate for various occasions. Your daughter can differentiate, for example, between clothing and costumes. Point out that her doll’s clothing and the outfits she sees on TV, in magazines and on music videos are chosen for effect, much like a costume she might wear for a school play or Halloween. Teen stars might wear outfits for a role or to a party that they wouldn’t wear to school.
So when you see her wearing a skirt that is way too short or a tank top that was supposed to be worn under another shirt, first remember that she probably isn’t trying intentionally to provoke you. Think back to when you were a young girl who wanted to wear whatever was then the rage. Empathy will help you to speak to her calmly and non-accusingly. Suggest how your daughter might adapt her outfit to be acceptable for school. Perhaps she can pair the stylish tee shirt with slacks or a longer skirt. Or layer a sweater over her camisole. Suggest a time when the two of you can enjoy finding new ways to use accessories or create different ensembles. Your daughter’s interest in clothes may become a new passion or a hobby you share. Soon she may be giving you advice…
What do you think about today’s styles for your girl?
articles by subject
Here’s the full list of topics and articles our advocates have contributed.
School
Overly Competitive Team Sports
Dolls and Playtime
The Real Difference Between Boys and Girls
Friends, Family and Values
Saying No to Friendly Temptation
When Good Friends Are a Bad Influence
Emotional Health
3 Steps to Better Emotional Health
6 Easy Steps Toward Making Peace with Your Choices
