advocates & articles
Dealing with a Bully
Dear Dr. Dellasega,
My daughter, Taela, got picked on nonstop in third grade. Although the principal assigned her to be with a different group of girls, little problems like teasing and laughing are cropping up already. What can I do to prevent another disastrous school year?
– Lisa
Lisa,
You’re right on track with thinking about prevention, and, with your help, Taela can learn to troubleshoot relationships with her peers. A great way to do this is by using a simple activity I call Relationship Cheers and Challenges.
Set aside 10 minutes each day when you can give Taela your undivided attention, and, for the first time, you go first. Share the relationship cheers and challenges you faced that day, which can be very simple, i.e. “I got a phone call from an old friend!” (cheer), and “A checkout clerk was really rude to me,” (challenge). Next, ask Taela to do the same.
It might take some prompting to get her to think of a “cheer” (i.e. something positive), but even small things count. For example, another girl may have said “hi” to her or she may have offered to share part of her lunch with a classmate who forgot hers.
After she’s shared a cheer and a challenge, have Taela think about the next day. What cheers might she use to make her interactions with other girls positive, and how might she respond to the same challenging situation if it occurs again? Encourage her to have a Plan A, B and C to deal with the challenge so she feels empowered with choices, and make sure her ideas are ones that will help, rather than lead to further hurt.
A group of girls in Club Ophelia™ came up with a great slogan: WALK-TALK-TELL. Knowing you can “Walk away,” “Talk it out,” or “Tell someone who can help” prepares girls to have a ready response for a variety of difficult situations.
What peer pressure does your daughter face at school?
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