advocates & articles
Beating the New School Blues
Dear Dr. Dellasega,
We just moved into a new school district, and my somewhat shy 10-year-old daughter is still trying to connect with girls in her grade. How can I help her make friends without taking over and actually finding them for her?
– Cyndi
Cyndi,
Luckily, everyone is new to some place or some thing at some point in her life, so your daughter isn’t alone. You’re wise to recognize that this is a great opportunity for her to learn how to meet others, a skill she’ll use throughout her lifetime.
Start by expressing your confidence in her ability to make friends and find her place at school. Reflect on other times when she’s been new, perhaps on a sports team or when she first started school, and ask her to think of some of the strategies she used then to meet other girls. (She may not realize how many “strategies” she already knows: sharing supplies, standing next to someone, approaching girls one-on-one rather than as a group, joining in an activity, inviting someone over, etc.) See if any of these might work again, or brainstorm other approaches she may have read about or seen on TV.
Although it’s natural to want her to have friends, avoid pressuring her and gauge your response to hers. If she seems distressed over her social life, you might drop by the school to talk to the teacher or pick her up one day and observe how she interacts with her peers in person. It’s normal to for her to grieve for her old friends, so finding ways to stay in touch with them can ease the transition, too.
Offer her different opportunities to meet girls, whether it’s through a book club at the library or an afterschool event. Chances are you’re searching for friends, too, so doing things that will put you in contact with other moms and daughters will help you both!
How do you prep your daughter for a new school year?
articles by subject
Here’s the full list of topics and articles our advocates have contributed. We’ll be adding more soon, so please check back.
School
Overly Competitive Team Sports
Dolls and Playtime
The Real Difference Between Boys and Girls
Friends, Family and Values
Saying No to Friendly Temptation
When Good Friends Are a Bad Influence
Emotional Health
3 Steps to Better Emotional Health
6 Easy Steps Toward Making Peace with Your Choices
