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Tricks to a Sweet Halloween
Dear Dr. Dellasega,
My 10-year-old daughter Mia wants to trick-or-treat with her friends and no parents. What do I do? We live in a low-crime neighborhood, but still, I’m concerned.
Wendy
Dear Wendy,
You’re right to be concerned. Allowing our daughters to have a certain measure of freedom, while keeping them safe, is a balancing act for nearly every mom. Without knowing the specifics of how big your neighborhood is or how long Mia wants to be out with her friends, I would encourage you to think about how street savvy she is otherwise. If she’s been out past dark in the neighborhood during the past summer with her friends playing hide-and-seek or other games, they already are aware of where to go for help should problems occur, and what spots are well lit and close to neighbors.
Perhaps you and some other likeminded moms can establish a “Mom Patrol” and post yourselves in pairs on the corners of neighborhood blocks, watchful but less obtrusive than following children door-to-door. If Mia goes with her friends, organize a group of girls rather than just one or two, and outline the rules ahead of time. (Make sure you know what regulations your local community has in place, too.) Set a specific time for them to return to your house for cider, and coordinate watches beforehand. Write down the names of everyone in the group since it’s too easy to forget a specific person in moments of excitement or stress.
The dangers for girls with friends are not only from faceless strangers, but each other. Trick-or-treating with friends can be a way to include some girls (signaling favor) and exclude others (communicating dislike). Along the way, conversations can be directed at a select few, and comments made to provoke one-sided laughter. You can do a trial run before Halloween by having all the girls over to rake leaves, bake pumpkin bread or work on costumes. Observe the interpersonal dynamics to make sure no one is being subtly bullied or harassed.
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