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Mean Girls
“Mom, everyone else got invited to the slumber party but me! What’s wrong with me?” No other reality wreaks havoc in the heart of a girl or her mom than the emotional storms that come while navigating a girl’s social life. As moms we can give standard answers like, “I’m sure she didn’t mean to leave you out,” or “She’s probably just jealous.” But we know from our own social experiences that these answers leave us empty. When our daughters are confronted by mean words or cruel actions, the best gift that we can give them is to help them remember who they are.
Spend an afternoon helping your daughter remember what is most true about her. Knowing who she is and who you believe her to be will take the sting out of not being picked for a recess game or not being included in a group of girls. Take her on a little trip down memory lane. You can drive to various places in your town that commemorate meaningful qualities about your daughter and give her something to memorialize these truths. For example, take her to the hospital where she was born. Give her a ring with her birthstone or something that is the color of the stone. My daughter’s birthstone is purple. I gave her a ring and told her that the color purple can stand for loyalty. We talked about this quality and how she had demonstrated it to her friends.
Next, you can drive to a place where your daughter learned to ride a bike or show her a picture of when she learned to tie her shoes. Our children love to hear the stories of their lives. Remind your daughter that she is characterized by determination. Give her a small photo album and suggest that the two of you continue to take pictures of her accomplished goals.
You could also take your daughter to a park where she learned to play soccer or a church where she learned about her faith. Tell her that life is an adventure that continues to unfold, and that although she is feeling sad today about her friend’s slumber party, she can anticipate many new experiences in the future. Ask her if there’s anything new that she would like to try or a new friend that she would like to invite over. Plan this new event together.
A final stop on your expedition could be your own home. Explain to your daughter that home is not necessarily a place, but it is people whom you feel safe to share your heart with. Tell her that she can always feel at home with you and then have your own slumber party — complete with movies, s’mores and giggling late into the night.
The purpose of this activity is not to dismiss or minimize the hurts that your daughter will inevitably feel in the real world of girls, but to remind her that the actions of others do not determine who she is. After a few of these times together, your daughter will have a growing sense of self-esteem and mom-esteem that will far outlast the “Mom, everyone was mean to me,” stage!
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Here’s the full list of topics and articles our advocates have contributed. We’ll be adding more soon, so please check back.
School
Help Her Embrace Her Math Smarts
Overly Competitive Team Sports
Dolls & Playtime
The Real Difference Between Boys and Girls
Friends, Family & Values
Kids and Materialism: Advice for Parents
Saying No to Friendly Temptation
When Good Friends Are a Bad Influence
Emotional Health
3 Steps to Better Emotional Health
6 Easy Steps Toward Making Peace with Your Choices
7 Steps to Getting a Grip on Judgment
