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Foolproof Ways to Rate Flicks

 

Dear Dr. Dellasega,

My twelve-year-old daughter's friends are going to see a movie I think is inappropriate. How do I say no?

Bess

Dear Bess,

So many holiday movies will be tempting children in the weeks to come there are bound to be moms like you who find at least one of them objectionable. At twelve, it’s a little bit harder for girls to justify missing a social activity because of their mom, but it’s also reassuring to know there are still boundaries and limits.

Spell out your objection to the movie, but make sure the information you have is accurate or you’ll lose credibility with her. For example, if you say there is nudity in the movie and the rating proves otherwise, she will be less likely to accept your opinions next time. There’s also nothing wrong with telling her you won’t let her go because you don’t like the way women are portrayed, or you disapprove of the topic. End of story.

It might also be interesting to check with the other moms to see if they are really in favor of their daughters seeing this movie, or whether they’re just giving in to pressure. Maybe a meeting over coffee is in order to decide what kinds of activities you all do and don’t want your daughters involved in.

When the girls go without your daughter, allow her to save face with her friends by scheduling another movie date for a film you do approve of. Volunteer to provide transportation, and if you’re feeling especially energetic, you may even offer a sleepover afterwards.

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