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Get a Grip

Anyone who has kids knows that raising them is easier said than done. And, as a parent, there are many times when you’ve got to "get a grip" on your own actions and emotions before you can even attempt to give advice to your offsprings. Some call it walking-the-walk, not just talking-the-talk.

One area that we’ve heard has taken a turn for the worst — especially among both moms and girls — is the way we judge ourselves and how quickly we judge others. Unfortunately, today, the combination of stressful schedules and impersonal technology (email, voice mail, IM) has helped take judgment to a whole new level.

Although it’s not easy to stop yourself or your daughter from being judge and jury, this excerpt from I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids may make you think twice the next time you say, “I can’t believe she…”

7 Steps to Getting a Grip on Judgment

By Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile

1. Start to become aware of the moments when you negatively judge yourself.

2. Strive for your own personal best instead of 100 percent perfect.

3. Open yourself up to recognizing good-mom moments. Even the small things — like spending ten minutes one-on-one time or reading a book together — matter.

4. When you’re about to judge someone or yourself, ask why you’re doing it. One mom told us that she decided to say judge every time she had a judgmental thought. She was surprised at how often that was.

5. If you find yourself judging someone, try to put yourself in that mom’s position and look at the issue from her perspective.

6. Let go of judgments of others based on what’s come to be known as “normal.”

7. Make sure your support system is working for you. As one mom put it, “it’s not a real mom’s group unless someone’s crying.”

Excerpted from I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile, Chronicle Books, 2007

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